Xena hated instantly, the words of the lie, and the complexities of her character that corrupted the most sought and beautiful moment of all her adult years.

Gabrielle has gallantly agreed and made some comment about needing to get some more water from their packs. She barely heard her over the torrent of self hated that screamed within her. She felt physical pain as Gabrielle arose from her resting place against her, the sudden loss of her, unacceptable, crushing the life from her senses, fighting every instinct that willed her to hold on.

They made small talk for the rest of the evening, sleep was fitful and slow in settling upon their camp.

For the ensuing days, Xena felt bereft and confused, she tried to silence the words and actions that wanted to spill forth. The containment of such, she knew, could not last, the fight was too strong and she wearied under her emotional cowardice.  

Their occasional and fleeting physical contact, burnt and scolded Xena’s skin. With the wish to seek so much more, straining her senses, that she could not sometimes tell, if her skin rested against hers or not, just that her desire for it was so strong she could now, almost make it feel real.

As Xena fought to swallow the  passion that lit her, their friendship remained unshaken. This in part made her again, contemplate the price and risk of losing this. She knew she could never make the first move, she may never vanquish the fervour of her emotions, indeed she in truth did not wish to, but she would keep silent and still her passion, she must, she would, she had to ......somehow....

Gabrielle awoke early. She felt a chill, or pang of something unnamed, that made her all at once, stir and arise, to shake it free. The hut was warm and comfortable, but she decided to go for a early morning swim, perhaps activity would unwind her.

Diving into the crystal clear lake water, instantly washed clean the haze of sleep. Coming to the surface she smiled up at the clear blue sky, it was a tranquil local, the blossoms and summer flowers strained and tipped their faces at the sunshine as they warmed and exhaled their perfume. Floating on her back, she remembered and then tried to forget, her dream. Correcting the idle direction of her hands as she ran them slowly down her cool buoyant form, she tried to smooth the light frown she knew began to crease her skin. Her dream, or succession of them of late, all tended to a re-enactment of her kiss with Xena. They were either broken into segments, tiny fractions of feeling, or played out the scene progressively, till she awoke from their tempestuous grasp, short of breath and full of longing. 

Neither of them were naive to the feelings that ran so deep. She knew Xena desired her, and Xena knew, though she may not entertain the thought consciously, that she wanted her in return. And again, their reasons for restraint, were she surmised, probably almost identical, they were afraid of losing that which they cherished beyond all things, their companionship. This connection forged long ago, beyond friendship, they were soul-mates. Although the physical, passionate notes had not immediately accompanied this beautiful journey of discovery, they were a couple already, in such a deep and tangible fashion. But the notes they longed to explore, born of love and tenderness were like bulbs in spring, now just so ready to brave the world. They had all they needed to make it right, and bloom. To bestow upon each the gifts they were increasing needy to unwrap.

As she checked the position of the sun above her squinting up, she let her body glide vertical in the water. Letting her feet rest lightly upon some smooth stones underfoot, she rested her chin on the surface of the lake and listened to the Forest awake. As it did so, she experience a stripping away of word heavy thoughts, and let her mind surrender to the quiet instinctual innate, “knowing” wisdom, of her soul. Sometimes we have to feel, not rationalise, its so easy to cloud with conjecture and bias with the thinking mind.

Her consciousness silently felt, watched and knew the essentials of her relationship with Xena. A knowing touched her gently like the warmth of this morning sunshine on her eyelashes. They were equally both, soft and gentle, and real.

Stirring the water about her with her palms, she understood very clearly her decision. You cant keep fighting what is right, when every cell of your being asks and then tells you with such surety, that to refuse and resist the gifts of love and passion, equivocally felt, is to become utterly foolish, and inevitability, utterly unhappy. You cant holt natural growth, or keep the natural path of catharsis from maturing, to do so would either kill it or bring about a change that was born from restriction and suppression.

As she made her way from the pool of cool water lightly, she thought of Xena, were she would be right now and how in this morning grandeur she wished she were close, close enough to show her the resolutions that had answered her thousand questions.

She had an inkling of where she may have made camped, the Town would not have held her. She knew she could wrap up her duties here within hours. All that was left, was to keep the words from her mind, action had to be her course, and as such, this was hard. She spent her life trying to find the right words, but sometimes they create barriers instead of bridges, and the final space between them needed to be forged.

 The thought of reaching out...... of touching that face.... of drawing close to those blue eyes........ The eyes that held such sadness and strength, and the flames of love she tried to make smoke, to kiss the lids that masked them. To know the weight and warmth of her palms upon her, to not temper the instinctual daily caresses she wanted to unfurl unabashed........To let her fingertips linger on the light lines of muscle in her arms, to allow them write on her unclothed skin, the pages of passion she had only inked thus far, onto parchment. To allow this love and building lust an outlet, to bask in the tender release of disrobing and scaling the delight of this exposure and surrender. To feel her shiver underneath the full length of her, to trace every curve with her lips, to elicit and coax and claim every inch of her body like she already had in her mind and soul.

As Gabrielle galloped her horse East, she pushed aside the images that made her breathless, pulling her smile into a line more befitting a traveller, she urged her stead ever faster till it felt like flying.

The circle was being completed, the light finding its balance with the ever ready darkness. But before surmising the hardship and battles to come, pleasure had to be wrought, squeezed and exhaled in today, life had to breathe deep when the perfume was sweet.